Exploring Life, Love, Spirituality, & Identity

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EXPLORING LIFE, LOVE, SPIRITUALITY, & IDENTITY 

I’m a girl in my 20s, about to turn 21. If I’m being honest, life has felt like a series of uphill battles ever since I stepped into university. I’ve been constantly grappling with trying to figure out everything, my life’s purpose, my spirituality, love, identity, and the energy I carry within me. Some days I feel like I’m lost, and other days, I feel like I’m exactly where I’m meant to be.

When it comes to life, I do know what I want. I want to be a clinical developmental neuropsychologist, a researcher, and a professor. I want to put meaning back into the world in a way that transforms lives. I want to help people see the world through a different lens and, in doing so, make it better. But let’s be real, this path hasn’t been easy. It’s been anything but that. And maybe it’s not supposed to be easy. The challenges have been intense, yes, but strangely, they’ve also been what keeps me going. Every test, every obstacle, pushes me to prove to myself that I can keep moving forward, that I’m capable of achieving everything I dream of. And the truth is, I can.

Spiritually, I’ve struggled. Growing up, my parents’ faith was deeply rooted in Sufism, but over time, I’ve found myself conflicted. Sufism, Christianity, and Buddhism all felt like homes, but I now realize that I feel most connected to Christianity. Still, none of these paths have fully uncovered who I am in this moment. I’m beginning to understand that I don’t need to define myself by just one belief. My spirituality transcends traditional labels. I feel deeply connected to everything around me, nature, the universe, God-Jesus, karma. I believe in the power of dreams, premonitions, tarot cards, and the sacredness of rituals. My spiritual journey is ever-evolving, and I’ve come to understand that it's okay to not have all the answers at this moment. I will continue learning and growing along the way.

When it comes to love, oh, where do I even begin? I’ve been on a rollercoaster with love. It’s been hard to understand what I really want. All I know for sure is that at my core, I am made of love. I am love. I radiate it, I embody it. There’s someone I’m deeply in love with, and if it’s meant to be, it will unfold in its own time. I know that, deep down. But, it doesn’t make the waiting easier. I’m still figuring out what love truly means to me, how it fits into my life, and what it looks like when it's right. For now, I’m learning to sit with that uncertainty, to love deeply, and to trust that when the time is right, everything will fall into place.

As for my identity… well, I don’t think I fully know who I am just yet. There are days when I feel like I’ve got a handle on it, and other days when I question everything about myself. I flip back and forth between so many versions of me. Some days, I feel confident in what I’m doing, but other days, I wonder if I’m on the right path at all. And that’s okay. There’s still so much time to figure it out. I’ve come to realize that growth isn’t linear, and self-discovery takes time. I’m learning to appreciate the unknown, to give myself grace, and to trust the journey.

Finally, my energy… I feel it, deeply. Sometimes, it’s like my soul is bursting with light. I know that everything will work out with time; I just have to stay patient, stay present, and live each moment as it comes. Life can get heavy, and sometimes we take it too seriously, but I’ve learned that life isn’t as serious as we often make it out to be. It’s fleeting, it’s beautiful, and it’s meant to be lived with love and authenticity.

So, here I am. Still figuring it out, still learning, still growing, and still loving. I don’t have all the answers yet, but I’m starting to trust that the journey itself holds the meaning.


-Mahnoosh x

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